I deserve a medal for the time I kept a straight face while uttering the following sentence,
We do not put our labias on the rug.
Yes. I authoritatively declared that in our family, it officially goes against code to put our collective private parts on carpets of any kind.
In fact, it is sort of mind-boggling the unfortunate utterances that have come out of my mouth without me even batting an eye. Here’s another doozy I recently unleashed, in public, none the less:
I will admit, I often fail to maintain my composure when one of my kids says something inappropriate, like last week when my toddler demonstrated her empathy after I told her I was crying because I lost something, and she replied, “Oh dammit.”
Or when I burst out laughing when she was “disciplining” her older sister:
I know it’s important that I hide any signs of amusement, otherwise known as parenting weakness, when my kids are misbehaving or being obnoxious, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. I also resist the urge to giggle when my toddler begins to wax philosophical about her own lack of penis, or exclaims with enthusiasm when pointing out my nipples. I know it’s juvenile, but every once in awhile, I try to imagine if I were just walking into the scene, how surreal our family conversations would be, and it makes me laugh.
I had a fit of giggles last week when one of my friends shared her own absurd moment in parenting, when she told her child not to “put the carrots in your bottom.” Come to think of it, it seems that many of my straight-face struggles have to do with body parts or toileting. One of my most popular posts, (apparently people Google “talking to kids about private parts” a lot, leading them to my blog. I deserve a medal for that too, I think.) South of the Border, chronicles my dilemma with how accurate and specific I should be when teaching my daughters about their anatomy.
So many of the things that come out of my mouth on a daily basis are absurd, stating the obvious, or worthy of hysterical laughter, and yet I say them nonchalantly all the time.
- Please don’t put that applesauce in your underwear.
- We don’t sit on the trampoline with our bare hiney.
- Foot is for our mouth, not our toes.
- Or, ahem, yogurt is NOT lotion. See exhibit a:
I guess my point is, so much of our daily experience as parents is utter ridiculousness. Things that may have seemed odd, out of place, or inappropriate a decade ago are now just part of the wallpaper of our lives. Here’s another case in point- a disturbing scene brought to you by The Unstaged Encounters of Barbie and Ken:
On Monday, I will be joined by several of my best blog friends to showcase some of these experiences! Prepare to be entertained by Katia of IAMTHEMILK, Jean of Mama Schmama, Kristi of Finding Ninee, Jen of My Skewed View… and maybe more! Stop back in a few days to witness our first group post- What You Didn’t Expect When You Were Expecting!
Welcome Back to Finish the Sentence Friday!
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Next week’s sentence is: “The bravest thing I’ve ever done is….”
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