If you know me or have read any of my previous summer posts, you know that I LOVE summer. For real. But that doesn’t mean that my summer isn’t filled with moments that are memorable for um, not-so-magical reasons. Because, kids. So, shout-out to the old school “Pictured/Not Pictured” social media bit with a special summer montage of all the
humiliation disappointment disgust wonder of our time together making memories these past few months. Let’s begin.
Pictured: A fun-filled 5-day road trip with friends, filled with hiking, beautiful scenery, and adventure!
Not Pictured: My kids falling down, tripping, or bumping their heads 800 f*cking times a day.
Pictured: Amazing! We see buffalo up close, in nature!!
Not Pictured: The kids do not give two shits.
Pictured: Tailgating in school parking lot before back-to-back children’s dance recitals.
Not Pictured: Enduring approximately 26 minutes of the song “Hand Clap.”
Pictured: Enjoying that magical bubble thingie at the butterfly house/aquarium.
Not Pictured: Pouting, sulking, and yes, actual weeping because a goddamn butterfly didn’t land on them. AGAIN.
Pictured: Yes, another gorgeous hand-picked flower from the garden to go behind Mommy’s ear!
Not Pictured: Me drinking vodka in the driveway with a wilted dead flower still behind my ear.
Pictured: Having so much fun organizing shit by color at the Children’s Museum!!!
Not Pictured: For real crying meltdown when toddler destroys tidy color-coded system.
Pictured: Super fun day at the pool!
Not Pictured: Kid One crying because water got in her face, Kid Two crying because Kid One is too scared to go down any waterslides with her.
Pictured: Me having a super sentimental moment with my kid at my birthday dinner.
Not Pictured: Said child eats precisely jack shit at the dinner we paid $120 for.
Pictured: Road trip rock climbing adventure on our beautiful scenic mountain vacation. (Hmm, do I detect a fake smile, perhaps a foretaste of the feast to come?)
Not Pictured: Despondent and dramatic sulking alone atop the majestic rocks just moments later because who the f*ck can even remember why.
Pictured: Riding the 1880s train in the Black Hills, what a super-cool
entirely overpriced adventure!
Not Pictured: Angsty pouting because tween child across the aisle is eating a candy bar and playing on her phone and your parents are assholes who don’t let you eat candy bars at nine a.m. and also you don’t even have a phone so your life suuuuuucks.
Pictured: Having such a magical time at the Renaissance Festival OMG is that an actual unicorn?
Not Pictured: Whining and crying because Mommy and Daddy won’t buy you allthemagicalthings and also it looks like it might rain which is a DISASTER.
Pictured: Me having such a fun summer tiiiiimmmme!
Not Pictured: Me losing my f*cking mind.
Pictured: Celebrating at a beloved family member’s wonderful wedding!
Not Pictured: The decline of the evening with a stance I like to call “Hangry Gargoyle.” Oh, wait, we do have a picture of that. Here it is.
OK, lay it on me. What were your best “pictured/not pictured” moments of summer?
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